An investigation based on direct experience into the meaning and message of altered states • Recounts several dozen of the author’s experiences of drug and non-drug altered states of consciousness from birth to early adulthood • Applies the lenses of four explanatory models—psychoanalysis, psychopharmacology, Zen Buddhism, and medieval Jewish metaphysics—in understanding how and why they occurred • Demonstrates the importance of careful unflinching recollection and documentation of both heavenly and hellish altered states in one’s psychological, emotional, and spiritual life Why do we seek out altered states of consciousness; or, in some cases, why do they happen unbidden? What do we see and hear, and what happens emotionally, physically, and psychologically? How and why are these experiences different from or similar to one another? Are they meaningful? And, what do we do with them after they have passed? Addressing these questions, renowned psychedelic researcher Rick Strassman, M.D., draws upon his journals and analyses of dozens of episodes of altered consciousness that occurred during, or are intimately tied to, his life between birth and young adulthood. Just as significant as the ecstatic blissful experiences are the uncensored and, at times, painfully unvarnished narratives of less elevated ones. Visually augmenting these accounts are the striking images of renowned artist Merrilee Challiss. Strassman’s episodes of altered consciousness resulted from a wide variety of methods, drugs, and conditions: cannabis, alcohol, psychoanalysis, psychedelics, meditation, disordered mood, and childhood trauma. Regardless of their origin, he attempts to understand them using an array of models he has studied carefully over the years: psychopharmacology, Zen Buddhism, psychoanalytic psychology, and medieval Jewish metaphysics. Understanding and applying the meaning and message of any altered state—its integration—first requires a clear-eyed recollection of the actual experiences in all their aspects, neither pushing away the ugly nor grasping after the beautiful. This book provides a profound example of how one might go about accomplishing this daunting task.